A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility inHamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," saysBud . He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for theU.S. Government", saysBud .
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ....
Now give me back my dog."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
God bless car thieves!
I know, it sounds like an odd thing to be thanking Him for but I'm serious.
Some of you may remember that last summer we bought a Range Rover from a friend of ours. This was to be the car we'd use whenever we were in Lebanon. Baba finally was able to try it out himself a few weeks ago when he and the Boss were there for Jiddo's funeral.
Last week someone stole it. {sigh} This left us in a pickle. What would we do for wheels this summer? Renting a car is expensive. We've done it before and it's outrageous! We thought of different options but none were too appealing.
Last Thursday Baba called me and told me that he heard of a Range Rover for sale and if it checked out OK, would I want him to get it for me to drive here and ship my car to Lebanon. (If it's not a recent enough model, you can't send it, so it would have to be the Galant.) I was certainly fine with that!
He checked it out and called me to go to the ATM and get money out. We met up at home before I left with the Boss for his appointment with my friend's husband (a dermatologist). I told him that he could put off that new mobile I've been after him for until Christmas.
After we were all home that night he said it was probably not going to work out. The seller was Iraqi and so he needed his sponsor's permission to sale his car since neither of them are citizens of a GCC country. Since Iraqis aren't looked upon too highly here we're probably not getting it. We wouldn't know until Sunday at the earliest. {sigh}
Friday night my friend from school and her husband and kids came for dinner. While we were chatting she told me I was getting the car. Baba told her that it was not real likely but we were hoping. (You see, Baba figured that by speaking Arabic in front of me that I would be clueless. He was right but he forgot to figure in my really good friend sitting right there while he's talking to her husband.
)
So yesterday I sent him an sms to ask if he'd heard anything about the car and he said 'no'. I get home yesterday after school and there's a beautiful, blue Range Rover in my parking spot! (Remember how I said my friend was sure she heard him telling her DH his plans? Never trust a Lebanese.) I'm dying to get in it for a test drive but decide to be good and wait until I'm taking the Boss to church later instead.
But, as luck would have it, I mean, unfortunately, the Diva woke up with a nosebleed. We got it taken care of quick and then I headed to the pharmacy for some saline spray. Of course, I figure I'll just take the new car. I get in and there's what looks like a box of Kleenex in the floorboard under my feet. I pick it up and it's not a box of tissue. I can read the word Samsung through the plastic bag!
So I now have two birthday presents to revel in. Today Baba took the Rover to have everything checked out and cleaned, etc. so I took my car to school. But tomorrow it's all mine. Today I've enjoyed my new phone and took a picture of my girls and my assistant.
BTW, if anyone wants any cake just let me know. I made a cake for the company Friday night and they brought a much better one. Since Saturday was Mother's Day it was very pink. Then Saturday a friend came over to give his condolences to Baba and he brought a Mother's Day cake as well. Then today my assistant went and got 2 cakes (she felt they were too small to get by just with one) so we could have a party with the girls. So...if any of you want any, just come on over and share with us. My hips would greatly appreciate it.
Some of you may remember that last summer we bought a Range Rover from a friend of ours. This was to be the car we'd use whenever we were in Lebanon. Baba finally was able to try it out himself a few weeks ago when he and the Boss were there for Jiddo's funeral.
Last week someone stole it. {sigh} This left us in a pickle. What would we do for wheels this summer? Renting a car is expensive. We've done it before and it's outrageous! We thought of different options but none were too appealing.
Last Thursday Baba called me and told me that he heard of a Range Rover for sale and if it checked out OK, would I want him to get it for me to drive here and ship my car to Lebanon. (If it's not a recent enough model, you can't send it, so it would have to be the Galant.) I was certainly fine with that!
He checked it out and called me to go to the ATM and get money out. We met up at home before I left with the Boss for his appointment with my friend's husband (a dermatologist). I told him that he could put off that new mobile I've been after him for until Christmas.
After we were all home that night he said it was probably not going to work out. The seller was Iraqi and so he needed his sponsor's permission to sale his car since neither of them are citizens of a GCC country. Since Iraqis aren't looked upon too highly here we're probably not getting it. We wouldn't know until Sunday at the earliest. {sigh}
Friday night my friend from school and her husband and kids came for dinner. While we were chatting she told me I was getting the car. Baba told her that it was not real likely but we were hoping. (You see, Baba figured that by speaking Arabic in front of me that I would be clueless. He was right but he forgot to figure in my really good friend sitting right there while he's talking to her husband.
)So yesterday I sent him an sms to ask if he'd heard anything about the car and he said 'no'. I get home yesterday after school and there's a beautiful, blue Range Rover in my parking spot! (Remember how I said my friend was sure she heard him telling her DH his plans? Never trust a Lebanese.) I'm dying to get in it for a test drive but decide to be good and wait until I'm taking the Boss to church later instead.
But, as luck would have it, I mean, unfortunately, the Diva woke up with a nosebleed. We got it taken care of quick and then I headed to the pharmacy for some saline spray. Of course, I figure I'll just take the new car. I get in and there's what looks like a box of Kleenex in the floorboard under my feet. I pick it up and it's not a box of tissue. I can read the word Samsung through the plastic bag!
So I now have two birthday presents to revel in. Today Baba took the Rover to have everything checked out and cleaned, etc. so I took my car to school. But tomorrow it's all mine. Today I've enjoyed my new phone and took a picture of my girls and my assistant.
BTW, if anyone wants any cake just let me know. I made a cake for the company Friday night and they brought a much better one. Since Saturday was Mother's Day it was very pink. Then Saturday a friend came over to give his condolences to Baba and he brought a Mother's Day cake as well. Then today my assistant went and got 2 cakes (she felt they were too small to get by just with one) so we could have a party with the girls. So...if any of you want any, just come on over and share with us. My hips would greatly appreciate it.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What a day!
This was a day I don't want to repeat.
Today was a mess at school. There was a special program for grandmothers since Saturday is Mother's Day in the part of the world. My girls were chosen to participate in it. They were told to wear dresses. They've gotten very strict with the dress code lately so it's really frowned upon. But the Arabic teacher told them to so they did and some of them looked more like they were headed to a wedding than a school play. There was no approval from the principal and only 2 of them showed up with their swim gear. So while those 2 had a free period the rest enjoyed the old-fashioned consequence of copying sentences the whole time. "But my mom told me..." Ugh! If I never hear that again I'll be thrilled.
Yesterday I was told by the other teacher (who told them to wear dresses) that she would pick them up at around 11:45. This morning it turned into 11:30, their normal lunch time. I decided they could just eat during Math. So they're in the middle of their lesson and she shows up to take them downstairs. Well, she had to wait until 11:30. She insisted she needed to take them down and I insisted that they needed to finish their math and lunch. I won...naturally.
After they left I got a call from our maid.
"Mom, where are you?"
"Um, I'm at school."
A lady from school had called and asked her where I was. She went into a panic thinking I'd been kidnapped or killed in a wreck. She called Baba who worried about me as well. I told her I'd been there since before 7 and she said something about that "stupid woman". Then a few minutes later Baba called to make sure I was where I should be.
Just how hard would it be to look for me in my classroom, people?!
So I e-mailed my supervisor and she told me it was good to have me there and safe. LOL
Then instead of returning to class most of the girls ended up going home. There went science. I've never been so happy to know we didn't have to stay until 3.
On the way home my friend and I passed one of many wrecks that occur here on a daily basis. First I noticed the policeman on the curb and a tennis shoe in the far right lane. Then the police car. Then a car with a shattered windshield and blood all over the rear window. Then another police car. On the other side of it were 2 bodies covered in a sheet. I'm surprised that in my almost 3 years here this is only the first time I've passed a wreck with the bodies still there.
After a day like today I'm missing those 3-day weekends. But only 2 more weeks until spring break!
Today was a mess at school. There was a special program for grandmothers since Saturday is Mother's Day in the part of the world. My girls were chosen to participate in it. They were told to wear dresses. They've gotten very strict with the dress code lately so it's really frowned upon. But the Arabic teacher told them to so they did and some of them looked more like they were headed to a wedding than a school play. There was no approval from the principal and only 2 of them showed up with their swim gear. So while those 2 had a free period the rest enjoyed the old-fashioned consequence of copying sentences the whole time. "But my mom told me..." Ugh! If I never hear that again I'll be thrilled.
Yesterday I was told by the other teacher (who told them to wear dresses) that she would pick them up at around 11:45. This morning it turned into 11:30, their normal lunch time. I decided they could just eat during Math. So they're in the middle of their lesson and she shows up to take them downstairs. Well, she had to wait until 11:30. She insisted she needed to take them down and I insisted that they needed to finish their math and lunch. I won...naturally.
After they left I got a call from our maid.
"Mom, where are you?"
"Um, I'm at school."
A lady from school had called and asked her where I was. She went into a panic thinking I'd been kidnapped or killed in a wreck. She called Baba who worried about me as well. I told her I'd been there since before 7 and she said something about that "stupid woman". Then a few minutes later Baba called to make sure I was where I should be.
Just how hard would it be to look for me in my classroom, people?!
So I e-mailed my supervisor and she told me it was good to have me there and safe. LOL
Then instead of returning to class most of the girls ended up going home. There went science. I've never been so happy to know we didn't have to stay until 3.
On the way home my friend and I passed one of many wrecks that occur here on a daily basis. First I noticed the policeman on the curb and a tennis shoe in the far right lane. Then the police car. Then a car with a shattered windshield and blood all over the rear window. Then another police car. On the other side of it were 2 bodies covered in a sheet. I'm surprised that in my almost 3 years here this is only the first time I've passed a wreck with the bodies still there.
After a day like today I'm missing those 3-day weekends. But only 2 more weeks until spring break!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
That's living!
Yesterday we spent the afternoon and evening at our friends' farm. Since they'd fed us so well last time we were out there we wanted to invite them over for dinner. They agreed but suggested we just bring the food out there so the kids would have room to run around and play. We didn't have to be asked twice!
After spending the afternoon visiting Baba got the grill ready and started cooking the food. We set it up outside their tent out back. Now you have to understand the current understanding of what is required in a tent. Electricity to run the A/C (which isn't needed yet this time of year), television (also not needed when there's good conversation), the lights, and the tea machine. There were low couches around the walls and carpeting. The kids had a blast running around the room while we chatted. It was wonderful! Oh, and we ate on the floor. Just run a long sheet of plastic the length of the room and you've got your table.
I got to meet a couple more siblings and the kids really liked them. The Diva wanted to wear a hijab like my friend's younger sister was wearing. Hey, if you're going to play dress-up, play it with a Muslim lady. Much more fun than plain old western clothes.
We had so much fun that we had to tear ourselves away but it was 11:30. Had to do it sometime. We had the iPod going all the way home. It was odd listening to country music after a day of Arabic hospitality, but it did the trick of keeping Baba awake on the long drive home. We arrived at almost 1 and headed straight to bed, after depositing the farm-fresh eggs and vegetables and STRAWBERRIES in the kitchen. Yes, they grew strawberries this year. They look and smell wonderful!
Today we're being lazy.
After spending the afternoon visiting Baba got the grill ready and started cooking the food. We set it up outside their tent out back. Now you have to understand the current understanding of what is required in a tent. Electricity to run the A/C (which isn't needed yet this time of year), television (also not needed when there's good conversation), the lights, and the tea machine. There were low couches around the walls and carpeting. The kids had a blast running around the room while we chatted. It was wonderful! Oh, and we ate on the floor. Just run a long sheet of plastic the length of the room and you've got your table.
I got to meet a couple more siblings and the kids really liked them. The Diva wanted to wear a hijab like my friend's younger sister was wearing. Hey, if you're going to play dress-up, play it with a Muslim lady. Much more fun than plain old western clothes.
We had so much fun that we had to tear ourselves away but it was 11:30. Had to do it sometime. We had the iPod going all the way home. It was odd listening to country music after a day of Arabic hospitality, but it did the trick of keeping Baba awake on the long drive home. We arrived at almost 1 and headed straight to bed, after depositing the farm-fresh eggs and vegetables and STRAWBERRIES in the kitchen. Yes, they grew strawberries this year. They look and smell wonderful!
Today we're being lazy.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wonderful Book
If you ever have the chance to, please read Jesus, The Man Who Lives by the late Malcolm Muggeridge. My grandparents loved to listen to him years ago. Although he was an atheist they found themselves thoroughly enjoying him. Several years after my grandfather passed away my grandmother was looking through a book catalog and found this book. She was shocked to say the least.
When she gave me the book years later I was going to read it. I never did. I brought it back with me after our trip home in December and started reading it this today. I love this book! I'm barely a chapter into it and just can't get enough. I must share a bit of it with you. OK, I could easily type the whole chapter I've read so far, but due to our current administration felt that this bit would have the honor.
"In humanistic times like ours, a contemporary virgin-assuming there are any such- would regard a message from the Angel Gabriel that she might expect to give birth to a son to be called the Son of the Highest as ill-tidings of great sorrow and a slur on the local family-planning centre. It is, in point of fact, extremely improbable, under existing conditions, that Jesus would have been permitted to be born at all. Mary's pregnancy, in poor circumstances, and with the father unknown, would have been an obvious case for aboirtion; and her talk of having conceived as a result of the intervention of the Holy Ghost would have pointed to the need for psychiatric treatment, and made the case for terminating her pregnancy even stronger. Thus our generation, needing a Saviour more, perhaps than any that has ever existed, would be too humane to allow one to be born; too enlightened to permit the Light of the World to shine in a darkness that grows ever more oppressive."
When she gave me the book years later I was going to read it. I never did. I brought it back with me after our trip home in December and started reading it this today. I love this book! I'm barely a chapter into it and just can't get enough. I must share a bit of it with you. OK, I could easily type the whole chapter I've read so far, but due to our current administration felt that this bit would have the honor.
"In humanistic times like ours, a contemporary virgin-assuming there are any such- would regard a message from the Angel Gabriel that she might expect to give birth to a son to be called the Son of the Highest as ill-tidings of great sorrow and a slur on the local family-planning centre. It is, in point of fact, extremely improbable, under existing conditions, that Jesus would have been permitted to be born at all. Mary's pregnancy, in poor circumstances, and with the father unknown, would have been an obvious case for aboirtion; and her talk of having conceived as a result of the intervention of the Holy Ghost would have pointed to the need for psychiatric treatment, and made the case for terminating her pregnancy even stronger. Thus our generation, needing a Saviour more, perhaps than any that has ever existed, would be too humane to allow one to be born; too enlightened to permit the Light of the World to shine in a darkness that grows ever more oppressive."
Busy, Busy
Last Thursday was Sports Day for our school. We spent the day standing out in a football (a.k.a. soccer) field. My brain was baked. It wasn't hot. The weather was actually beautiful. Several of us were actually hoping for a sandstorm but that didn't happen. At least it was a beautiful day. But it was the kind of day that really wipes you out. I went home, took a shower, ate lunch, and went to bed.
Friday the Peanuts turned 5. Waaahhh! They're getting so big. We went to Mc*D's for the party. They did a great job. Several of their friends from school came as well as some family friends. One family had a set of triplets for us to "ooh" and "aw" over. The Diva was over her fever by then (she'd had it almost a week) so she was feeling good. The Little Prince had managed not to get it himself so he was feeling good, if a bit bashful, too.
Friends came home with us after the party and the kids had a blast. We're going to try to get together again soon. They wanted us to come over the next day but the Boss had too much to catch up on after missing a week of school.
Saturday I tutored for 4 hours but the rest of the day was relaxing. Then yesterday Baba got cakes and party stuff to take to the Peanuts' school for their party there. Considering we'd neglected to celebrate their birthday beyond singing to them the last couple of years (their last party was when they turned 2) we had reason to try to make up for it. The Boss was allowed to join the party too and put in charge of taking pics...let's just say he's no longer allowed in the same room with the camera. {sigh}
Today there's a sandstorm. It's even worse than the last one I posted pics of. Of course my camera is at home. Luckily my assistant has a good camera in her mobile and a way to e-mail them to me so when I get them I'll post them. We've been told that some parents may want to collect their children early. WHY?! If it's so horrible out, why take them out in it when they're in a school building? If it's still going on at dismissal, OK, you can't really avoid it. But dismissal is a few hours away. It probably won't be done but it may lighten up a bit too. I'm perfectly willing to stay put until 3...can't they do the same until 2? But parents over here will pick their kids up at the drop of a hat. Just got to get used to it.
We're looking at another 3-day weekend. While I love any excuse to stay home an extra day with my kids it really gets tiring when trying to get lesson plans done. We've had so many excuses for not having school lately it's pathetic. Of course I won't be complaining about it next year...the calendar really siphons. We have almost no days extra days off at all. Only a 3-day weekend for Christmas and New Year's. Have to keep up the appearance of everyone in this school being the same religion, dontcha know?
Well, that's about it from the sand pit. How much longer til June?
Friday the Peanuts turned 5. Waaahhh! They're getting so big. We went to Mc*D's for the party. They did a great job. Several of their friends from school came as well as some family friends. One family had a set of triplets for us to "ooh" and "aw" over. The Diva was over her fever by then (she'd had it almost a week) so she was feeling good. The Little Prince had managed not to get it himself so he was feeling good, if a bit bashful, too.
Friends came home with us after the party and the kids had a blast. We're going to try to get together again soon. They wanted us to come over the next day but the Boss had too much to catch up on after missing a week of school.
Saturday I tutored for 4 hours but the rest of the day was relaxing. Then yesterday Baba got cakes and party stuff to take to the Peanuts' school for their party there. Considering we'd neglected to celebrate their birthday beyond singing to them the last couple of years (their last party was when they turned 2) we had reason to try to make up for it. The Boss was allowed to join the party too and put in charge of taking pics...let's just say he's no longer allowed in the same room with the camera. {sigh}
Today there's a sandstorm. It's even worse than the last one I posted pics of. Of course my camera is at home. Luckily my assistant has a good camera in her mobile and a way to e-mail them to me so when I get them I'll post them. We've been told that some parents may want to collect their children early. WHY?! If it's so horrible out, why take them out in it when they're in a school building? If it's still going on at dismissal, OK, you can't really avoid it. But dismissal is a few hours away. It probably won't be done but it may lighten up a bit too. I'm perfectly willing to stay put until 3...can't they do the same until 2? But parents over here will pick their kids up at the drop of a hat. Just got to get used to it.
We're looking at another 3-day weekend. While I love any excuse to stay home an extra day with my kids it really gets tiring when trying to get lesson plans done. We've had so many excuses for not having school lately it's pathetic. Of course I won't be complaining about it next year...the calendar really siphons. We have almost no days extra days off at all. Only a 3-day weekend for Christmas and New Year's. Have to keep up the appearance of everyone in this school being the same religion, dontcha know?
Well, that's about it from the sand pit. How much longer til June?
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Another good one
Baba forwarded this to me this morning. I tried to find it online since that loads easier here but no luck yet. I hope you enjoy it. These people are amazing.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
St Francis de la Sissies
I may never hear this song again without seeing signs flashing before my eyes.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I feel ashamed
Last week I mentioned the celebration we had to drive through to get to Ash Wednesday service. But I have to confess that I've never bothered to find out more than which holiday is which day. OK, a couple of years ago we visited a museum that remembers the invasion and the people who resisted. It made me want to learn more but I'm lazy by nature and never did. I'm feeling truly ashamed right now.
Desert Girl and Hilaliya have shared their memories of that horrible time. You simply MUST read these blog posts. After I publish this post I'm reading DG's posts from the last two years.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Physicians' Opinion
I got this e-mail this morning and had to share it with you. It sums up the current situation pretty well.
Physicians' Opinion of the Financial Bail Out Package:
Allergists voted to scratch it,
but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
and Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
and Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
while Radiologists could see right through it.
Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
Podiatrists rated it was a step forward,
yet Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists believed the idea was a gas,
and Cardiologists just didn't have the heart to say no.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a******s in Washington .
Physicians' Opinion of the Financial Bail Out Package:
Allergists voted to scratch it,
but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
and Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
and Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
while Radiologists could see right through it.
Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
Podiatrists rated it was a step forward,
yet Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists believed the idea was a gas,
and Cardiologists just didn't have the heart to say no.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a******s in Washington .
Abayas
One commenter had a question about the abayas and styles, etc. I decided to Google and see what I cam up with. Here are some examples. The one second from the top doesn't really show the abaya...but the hijab is pretty though.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)